O. J. Simpson Endorses Hillary Clinton

LOVELOCK, NEVADA – This morning Al Sharpton interviewed O. J. Simpson at the Lovelock prison in Nevada where Simpson is serving up to 33 years for robbing a man in a Las Vegas hotel. Following is the transcript of the interview that will air Sunday morning on MSNBC’s PoliticsNation.

AL SHARPTON:  Thank you for turning on my show where I host on MSNBC. Today I come to you from the Lovelock prison in Nevada where I will interview a convict. He was a formal NFL running back who murdered his wife and her friend and now he’s incapacitated in this penaltentiary. I welcome to my own show on MSNBC, convict O. J. Simpson.

OJ SIMPSON:  I did not murder my wife, Al.

AL SHARPTON:  You may call me Reverend

OJ:  You can call me Juice.

AL SHARPTON: Mr. Juice, let me begin by asking how you are holding up in prison.

OJ:  Holding up? Is that some kind of joke?

AL SHARPTON:  Why would that be a joke?

OJ:  I’m in prison because they say I held up some guy in a hotel.

AL SHARPTON:  I thought you were in prison for murder.

OJ: No, the jury said I was innocent of those murders.

AL SHARPTON:  Well, I think they said there was not enough evidencery contusions to convictimize you.

OJ:  The jurors voted unanimously, not guilty.

AL SHARPTON:  Is that your real name?

OJ: Is what my real name?thedailyrash.com

AL SHARPTON:  Unanimously.

OJ:  What are you talking about?

AL SHARPTON:  Mr. Juice, I have you on my show today because you told us you want to help Hillary Clinton with her presidential erection.

OJ:  That is true. I have decided to throw my weight behind Hillary.

AL SHARPTON:  (snickering) I think Hillary already has enough weight in her behind to throw around.

(Al Sharpton and O.J. Simpson laugh and share an enthusiastic high five)

OJ:  But in all seriousness, I am endorsing Hillary Clinton because I truly believe she is most qualified to lead our country.

AL SHARPTON:  Does your decision to enforce Hillary have anything to do with her remarks about reducing prison populations?

OJ:  Oh gosh no.

AL SHARPTON:  She has made a point of saying too many African Americans of color are in prison and that things must change.

OJ:  I’ve been saying that since I was incarcerated.

AL SHARPTON:  Have you ever had any problems in prison?

OJ:  Nope.

AL SHARPTON: Ever see anything weird going on in the showers?

OJ:  Nope.

AL SHARPTON:  Nobody ever give you cigarettes or candy, maybe offer to braid your hair?

OJ:  Nope.

 AL SHARPTON:  Maybe it’s because you got so fat.

OJ:  Yeah, I guess I’ve put on a couple of pounds.

AL SHARPTON:  A couple of pounds? You’re a benemoth! Why don’t you lift weights in the yard with the other convicts?

OJ:  I prefer to stay in my cell and eat. I watch a lot of TV.

AL SHARPTON:  I used to be a big fat farm animal like you, but now I’m skinny and I have a young girlfriend. Do you have a girlfriend here in the big house?

OJ:  No. No girls in here.

AL SHARPTON:  I saw a couple of girly men when we walked in. I would guess that after years in a prison even Hillary Clinton would start to look good to you.

(Al Sharpton and O.J. laugh and share a high-five)

AL SHARPTON: Mr. Juice, tell my audience what made you want to help Hillary Clinton with her erection.

OJ:  Well, I admire the way she’s stood by Bill Clinton all these years. I really respect that. A couple of girlfriends wasn’t the end of the world.

AL SHARPTON:  Are you talking about Bill’s girlfriends or hers?

(Simpson and Sharpton laugh and share a high-five)

AL SHARPTON:  How do you feel about the actions of Hillary Clinton when she was Obama’s secretary and those four people died in By-golly?

OJ: By immediately blaming a YouTube video for the murders in Benghazi, she took the heat off herself. It was brilliant.

AL SHARPTON:  Mr. Juice, what made you want to become a political aviator?

OJ:  When I heard that Virginia was allowing 200,000 convicted felons to vote I decided it was my duty to serve my country.

AL SHARPTON:  How do you plan to do that?

thedailyrash.comOJ:  If Hillary promises to grant me a pardon when she becomes president I will personally guarantee every man in this prison registers to vote and votes for Hillary.

AL SHARPTON:  Is it true that Hillary Clinton has contacted you?

OJ:  I can’t say too much at this point, but I can tell you that this time next year I hope to be playing golf in Florida.

AL SHARPTON: What else do you plan to do as a free man?

OJ:  Oh, I don’t know. I’d like to meet a nice girl and chill out on the beach. I really just want to relax and enjoy my life.

thedailyrash.comAL SHARPTON:  You told our producers that if Hillary Clinton pardons you, your first priority would be to track down the person who killed your wife.

OJ: (slaps his forehead) I knew I was forgetting something! Yeah, finding the real killer will definitely be my number one priority. Priority number one. No doubt.

AL SHARPTON:  Uh, huh. And when that happens I’ll confess that I lied about Tawana Brawley. Hell, I’ll even pay back the millions I owe in taxes!

(Al Sharpton and O.J. Simpson howl with laughter and share an enthusiastic high-five)

AL SHARPTON:  Thank-you, Mr. Juice, for being on my show where I host. And give my best to Hillary.

OJ:  Will do.

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